Evil>Hurt

What is evil. Evil is selfish. Always has been always will be.

How does hurt cause evil? Is hurt so deep and so big that you have to do evil. You have to cause someone else evil?! Why is it that we are so selfish? Why is it that evil is so much more rewarding, or should I just say easier.

Evil is easier, it is easier to say yes when you are told no, or to just leave than to fix a marriage, or to get angry and yell at your husband, or to get angry and hit you're sister. Doing the evil is always so much easier, and selfish than doing what is right.

Have you ever met a child who has to see one parent one week and the other parent the following week? Have you ever seen what it does to them, on the inside. We sit here and we can not figure out our own shit so we hurt the innocent and when they are15 you'll see them in counseling.

Why is it that hurt isn't big enough that we wouldn't want it, or give it to others. Why is is that evil is bigger than hurt that we will work out on our own child because you are scared.

Why are we just selfish people. Ever from the beginning. Evil seemed better than all the hurt that came with it. We don't think we can hurt others, because we don't think we are important to others, when really you make someone else world spin. Yours eyes are fixed on yourself and why would anyone want you right, well some questions you will never know and so you better just find happiness is the small things again once you commit to something or someone especially your children.

Blame...

When you are told something for so long in your life like, you’re not good enough, you’re fat, you’re dumb, you’re easy, you start to believe it. “It” starts to become your identity. When you take things, even when you shouldn’t, that starts to become you as well, like blame or guilt, or shame. 

Have you ever felt like you have done everything you can to the ones you love most, you’ve given up sleep, you’ve changed your plans, you’ve taken the screaming, you’ve given up what you want, you’ve given them a safe place when they needed it most. 

Have you ever had the blame on you when it shouldn’t have been? When people blame you because you will take it, because it is easier than fighting about it. After being blamed so much and then finally trying to stand up for yourself and take the blame off of you but they don’t let you not take the blame. 

 

When things are going great and then you mess things up because you were trying so hard to do the right thing, but that’s not what they wanted, but they didn’t tell you what they wanted, the blame is put on you. When doing the right thing is already hard in the first place and then when you try, things go wrong. 

Why are people so hard to figure out!?! 

Why is blame and guilt such a horrible but easy feeling to feel? Because to be honest I have had blame and guilt on me my whole life, now how do I shake it off, if for me it is easier to just take it and not fight. 

And why is it always the people that we are closest to? The people closest to us have to be the strongest to us, or they wouldn’t be around anymore. 

You tried and they won’t see it, they also won’t fight to really know what is going on because of the lack of communication or the miscommunication. 

So don’t fight for anything but what you were originally fighting for. I won’t give up.

Friends...

What is a friend?

In one word:

Loyal, trustworthy, awesome, amazing, happy, encouraging, optimistic, friendly, loving, caring, helpful, talented, cool, sweet, kind, honest.

Why is it that some friends may be harder to be friends with and some are just seem so natural.

Different people bring different attributes out in us. Some of us have one best friend; some of us have five different best friends.

Some friends we will have for the rest of our lives, and some just come and go. Some we can live with and some we cannot live with. Some you can go on road trips with and some you can only stand for a couple of hours. There are some friends that you want to literally do everything with, merely because you just fit. You want to share experiences and adventures to cherish for the rest of your life.

Either way there is nothing wrong with either of any of these types of friends. Either way you will have friends that bring out the worst and the best in you. Either way you will grow and you will fall, but in the long run friends are the people that put the color in your life.

I am a person that has always had hundreds of friends, they knew me, and I knew them. I was a floater. I knew everyone in my graduating class in high school and have many many friend groups in college. I’m at a point in my life where that is biting me in the butt real hard. I have hundreds of friends still, about 5 best friends and one best of best friends. But with all of this sometimes I still get lonely. Sometimes I feel like I do not have anyone to hang out with. Sometimes I have no one to just hang out. and I have never lived with any of my friends, all my roommates have been random.

This makes me think that I’m loved from a distance. All of the time I just wonder what part of me do they not like me, that I can’t live with them? It may be the hardest thing to hear when your best friend tells you that she doesn’t want to live with you. How do I not take that personal?! I’ll love you from a distance. You ask yourself why can’t you just live by yourself? Because I am like a dog who gets their energy, excitement, life, from other people.

I am loud, I am crazy, I am hyper, I love to laugh, I am calm, I get sad, I encourage, I’m goofy, I love to watch people, I love inside jokes, I love to learn, I love the little things, I love to ask hard questions, I love to understand, I love to cuddle, I love to listen loud country music when cleaning my house, I love to run errans, I love to get texts that make me smile, I love mail, I love my experiences, I love the ocean, the grass and the sand, I’m organized, I’m patience and I try my hardest to be optimistic.

So why do we feel lonely and feel like we have no one when we really have a lot? When we walk through our door after a long day, or a great day, do we feel at home, or is a burden? Do we have to have our friends everywhere, or does living with random’s not the best thing that already has an established “group” of friends. Or do you have to sacrifice and live by yourself when you love being around other people.

What do we do with this loneliness?

Consequences suck!

Hurting people hurt people.

What is hurt?

The dictionary states:

-to feel or suffer bodily or mental pain or distress: My back still hurts.

-to cause bodily or mental pain or distress: The blow to his pride hurt most.

-to cause injury, damage, or harm.

-to suffer want or need. 

 

in the bible:

-anything that goes against love. 

 

When someone gets hurt, they hurt others. Out of pain, pride, power, embarrassments, etc. There will always be a cycle of hurt and pain. Where do you pull of that pain and hurt and start living?! 

I'll admit it, it is a heck of a lot easier to live in fear and pain then life and freedom. Sin is always easier to choose than forgiveness and love. We are told to forgive and love our enemies, but how are we suppose to do that when we continue to have night mares, are tempted by the wrong things, and our heart literally hurts. 

We get stuck in this pain and hurt, and it gives power to the "hurter".

 

You are not your hurt. 

But WE CAN NOT TOUCH THIS HURT ALONE. We can not state to forgive or to love our enemies alone. It wont work. 

Matthew 11: 28-30:
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

 

Exodus 14:14

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."

 

 

Keep fighting.Fight for someone who needs you next to them, even if it seems like you can't, you'll find the strength.

If you know who you are...

...you know what to do.

Do you think that YOU are the reason someone else is still living today?

Have you ever thought about how important you are to someone. Through your strength, through your smile, through your hard work, through your story, through your positivity, through your belief. 

Whether it is healthy or not, someone is living one more day because you give them the spark in their heart. You can’t control it and you may ask God why me? But they will always see something different in you. Who cares if it is unhealthy, give them hope so that they can become healthy. If they aren’t alone they will become healthy. If and when they are alone they die.

Who do you give hope to? Your spouse, children, best friend, cousin, sibling, a stranger? Who do you get hope from? Could be the same person? You are important and special to someone.

With knowing this, will you keep fighting? Will you give it another try? Will you take a deep breath and take another step, just so they can get one step closer to being healthy. 

We laugh. We cry. Sometimes we are broken and we don’t know why. I’m tired and I lose my way, but you help me find faith. 

You give me hope, inspire of everything. You show me love, even with so much pain.

Run the...

...good race. But I just can't.

David is a man in the bible who wrote most of the psalms. If you read the psalms, you'll see that David is in a spiritual battle. One letter he is crying out for the Lord for help, another letter he is anger and yelling at the Lord. David is a great example of what a spiritual battle looks like.

When the storm comes do we fight it or do we let it blow us over.

Are whole lives we will be fighting this battle. In the storms we cry out like David did in Psalms 4: 1-3

"Answer me when I call to you,
    my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress; 

    have mercy on me and hear my prayer. 

 How long will you people turn my glory into shame?
    How long will you love delusions and seek false gods

  Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself;
    the Lord hears when I call to him."

How long do we have to suffer sometime. The times where we are in the middle of it all we lose hope. Then we gain a little hope but we are stuck in the same stuff so we keep falling back into hopelessness. Do we keep fighting or do you give up. Are you in for a long hall, or are you tired and done so you give up. 

How do we get out of the pit of hell when we are in it and when we have been there for so long. Cry upon the Lord, I've been doing that. How much longer to I have to suffer Lord! I'm stuck. Get me out.

Hurting people hurt people.

You know those people that you love so much, the closest people to you, the ones that are a part of you. Why do we hurt them the most out of all the people in our lives?

We push people away just to see if they will come back, we get mad and say things that we don't mean, we act out in anger and bitterness because they are the only people that will understand. We may even push them so far that we hoped to die just to make them realize what we are to them. We know this wont do anything. We know that they are exhausted. And most the time we push them away and they still fight and we are really confused to why they don't just leave us for a better life...Because they see something that one one else does.

We are lost and feel like no one gets us. And at the hardest time you need them most is the time that they are the most tired, the weakest and it seems like they are almost give up on you, but you give up on yourself before they ever give up on you. For feel like they forget that you just have hard days, or they forget the stress you're about to walk into. They get so use to you being down, they forget you ask you what's wrong and that's really all you want.

We all forget how important we are to other until someone else calls you out on it, or until you lose them. We forget how much people fight for us or we don't know how much we are loved because we are never told.

Why do we get so insecure about what people think about us, and we always doubt what we mean to others. Where does this idea come from? How do we get rid of it? It is so frustrating that we are contently pushing the most important people away in our life when really all we want is to run into their arms.

Who's responsibility is it?

Have you ever heard the saying "it takes a village..."?

Have you ever had an injury that was so bad that you couldn't take care of yourself? Where some days it hurts even to just sit up in bed, or its painful to eat something because you've lost your appetite. Your parents have to help you go to the bathroom, and shower, and even drink that sip of water you need.

I had an injury like this senior year of high school, it sucked! I blow my whole right knee out, and had to have two surgeries performed it. I couldn't go to the bathroom when I needed to the first couple of days, because flexing the muscles to pick my leg up off the couch hurt too bad. So I had to call my brother or one of my parents to come and pick my leg up off the couch. I'm sure it got annoying, they had to stop what they were doing and come help me, they had to be a little selfless.


I'm a completive person and so I hated asking for help, and once I could do things on my own I felt like a free bird. Things started to look great, but then something was going on that we couldn't tell unless they opened me up, so we had to start all over again, back to using their time and effort, and I hated asking for help sometimes which of lead to me getting more hurt or breaking something, not asking for help always led to more trouble. Asking for help can be hard sometimes, but sometimes even when we don't have the words we have to try.

In the body of Christ we are one, we are a body made up of individual parts working together for something bigger. So when the foot gets hurt, the whole body is hurting. Everyone is drained and just hurting. The foot can not heal unless the rest of the body helps push nutrient and the correct things that is necessary for it to heal. This is the same for the body of Christ. When one person is hurting sometimes to have to give a little extra of yourself, so that they can get healthy.

And sometimes when that person (or part of the body) keeps getting hurt and you kind of roll your eyes and take a deep breath and just get tired of helping this person (or body part) out you do not want to fight for them any longer. But it is just like when I had my second knee surgery I still couldn't help myself. I still need the pople around me to help me and to be selfless more than other so that I could get to a point in my healing where I was okay, and could do things on my own. They had to be patience, but so did I.

Romans 12: 3-8 says:

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully."

So who's responsibility is it? It is yours. It is your responsibility to help that person out that just cant get well, that keeps getting hurt. The body has to work hard to stay healthy, so you better take a deep breath and be ready to help out and give a little bit of yourself. They never said being a Christian was going to be easy, but that it is going to be worth it.

Romans 12: 9- 18:

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited."

Will you help? 

What are you Holding on to?

A part of this road tip is leaving beauty that you may not want to leave, or beauty leaving you. That sunset you want to hold on to just another hour, that sweet moment you talk to an old friend, or that one person that just understands you. Attachment was created for a very important reason in the development in children and babies. A comfort that was reliable and stable.

Sometimes we don't get that. We have mother's and father's who weren't there. We have inconsistent parents who didn't know how important it was to be in their child's life, until the child grows up and sees the hole it left in their heart. Or maybe we had really great loving parents who was very involved in our lives and always made sure we were okay emotionally, spiritually, and physically. These parents knew the important of a child and what it meant to be nurtured and have that natural healthy attachment.

Without parents two things can happen. One you can never attach yourself to anything but to unhealthy things, like drugs, alcohol, and sex, because these things are always consistent and they will always make you feel good. This one you usually move from one to another and don't know it's an attachment problem. Or two you attach yourself to people who care about you, but aren't consistent and leave a lot. But they help them and feed them what they need when they need it. This type usually knows that they have attachment problems.

Where we invest our love, we invest our lives. Time, effort, emotion. It becomes a part of who you are. We become attached to things, and sometimes not even knowing it. We get comfortable with what we have, we get comfort from that person or that guy/girl, or that movie, because we invest our love into them or it.

All through my life I attached myself to older women due to trying to find the comfort from a mother that I never had. These women mentored be, understood me, prayed with me, and even sometimes saved my life in hard situations.

But in life things aren't usually there forever. We lost people, things, or interest. And with that comes hurt. A piece of your heart that you invested with all your love is now gone. And usually one side is hurt more than the other, because usually one side has control over most of it.

A friend is there to help but not to be attached to. And we tend to not know that we are attached until we lose it.Until it is gone and we feel like we have nothing else. 

But you also had most of the control because you knew you were attached and you didn't do anything to stop it or change it, it seems to be your fault. To me it is always my fault. I find my comfort in people and not always in the Lord, and that right there is going to leave me hurt, because no one can fill you up like He can.

What are you attached to? Is it healthy or will it leave you hurt and empty. How much control do you have over your attachments?

That one person...

Do you have that person in your life that you tend to hurt more than others, but it happens to be your best friend? The fights or arguments you may get in seem so hurtful, but in reality they just hurt us more because we realize what we have, and how much it would hurt if we lost what we had.

This person finishes my sentences and knows exactly how I'm feeling when I walk into the room. This person see's the little things and hears when I stutter and what that means. It is really the little things that I know I wouldn't be the same if I didn't have her. This person knows when you listen or when to talk. My favorite thing is that we can have silence and not feel pressured to talk because we are completely comforted just by being in the presence of each other. We can cry like babies, we can tell each other our deepest thoughts and maybe get embarrassed for a minute but an overwhelming feeling of peace because that smile they give you that says "it's okay, I'm your best friend". You feel safe around them. You can be completely goofy or completely serious and know that your only making memories whether they are good or bad they are still memories. You don't get embarrassed when you cry or they cry, you just walk over to them and wrap them in close and hold them. Certain things make you think about them, like a song or an old place you use to go. You dream up places where you want to go.

The amount of patience this person has for you and the willingness to fight for you and with you  feels like "what would I do without you, where would I be without you". But yet in life choices in random acts we may perform, we hurt them because they merely want the best for us. They get angry at you but only because they expect so much more from you, because you are better than what ever is hurting you or has hurt you. They hurt when you hurt.

They are a part of you.

They are like a father who watches you put sometime metal in the electrical socket and yells at you because they want you to learn and to know that it is not okay and can hurt you. But you give them a scared look of what did I do wrong because you didn't know better. You want the best for them and they want the best for you.

So why do we hurt them the most? When we push them away they continue to fight back and say "YOU are worth it!" Because they know that hurt and they look in your eyes and can see how you are really feeling and they know it is not personal, they know that it is just a part of friendship. They remember who you are to them and that they cannot loose you because of who you are to them. They come back because they know that smile you give them, that no one else can give, that overwhelming peace when your with them. We hurt them, when we don't mean to at all. We hurt them with our words and actions, but they know your heart and they choose to know better and they continue to fight for you and with you. We hurt them on accident, in our hurt we hurt them. We hurt because we are hurting and those best friends are the only people that will understand that, and they continue to fight for you.

They love you, even when you don't know how to say sorry, but they forgive you, even though it hurts. They love you and they are what you call your best friend.

Thank you for fighting for me, with me and the patience and grace that I may not deserve. I love you .