Baby step's.

If we look to far out we will miss the step we have to take in front of us. 

Today I got a chance to talk to talk to a great friend that is very close to my heart. We got onto the topic of not looking too far out in to the future because we are not living in the present. We try and figure out things out, but we never get one answer, yes something we have more peace than other times, but God’s not going to tell us, which means we have to trust and give up control. God is going to make it work either way, so why do we stress out so much? Because we want to be happy. But what makes us happy, why can’t we just find what makes us happy where we are.

When we look out too far, we miss the now. That means we are not taking care of what we need to take care of, now. We plateau or so it feels. We feel stuck. We aren’t taking time to be sad, mad, joyful, loving. We are so hyper focused on the FUTURE, if we don’t live in now, the future won’t be happy. We will be stuck in things we were supposed to be taking care of when it came up.

So how do we get stuck on these plateaus and this mud that won’t let us move? For me it’s when I come home and surrounded by people who bring me back to my past, all the memories, feelings and pain. People who pressure me to date and someone who says things like “Ashley, you had no idea what you were like when you were a kid, so don’t even tease…” This is upsetting because they didn’t even raise me, so who are they to tell me that I’m not good enough. As far as I know my father did one hell of a job raising three babies on his own. Who cares how I held my fork, or that we didn’t always wear a seat belt. I’m still here and I’m doing pretty freaking well.

All this stress about our future, mess our body up. Messes up your jaw, keeps you sick, makes you annoyed at things that shouldn’t annoy you, make you snap at people you need to love.

Why do we let something that is earthly and something that isn’t even healthy keep us down. Usually what we want isn’t going to work out the way we want it to and at first we kinda freak out but then we realize that it’s better than what we wanted. That’s giving up CONTROL and then realizing that when we do give it up, it gives God His chance to do what He needs to do.  

What do we have to do to get ourselves going back up the mountain? Being with the bible more, praying more, loving more, loving yourself no matter what, going to counseling, being put on an anti-depressant, being in contact with your family, making new friends outside your comfort zone, hanging out with the friends closest to your heart, traveling and realizing all that you have, not comparing yourself, telling yourself every morning that you are beautiful. What ever it is to make you climb that mountain again.

Take control and of how you feel. Be sad if you’re sad. Be mad if you’re mad. Say what you need to say.

Take baby steps so you don’t miss and fall by looking too far out to the future, or the past. LIVE in the NOW. 

I am His beloved.

Life is precious. Life is gentle. Life is fun. Life is taken advantaged of. Life is hard. Most of all, life is full of love.

Tonight we watched "It's a Wonderful Life" and at the end my sister starts crying, at the part that he realizes that he matters, it warms her heart, as my brother-in-law, has the biggest smile on his face, as it brings the joy to his heart.

It is my parents and I's tradition to watch that movie after Thanksgiving every year for the last 4 or 5 years now. Since then the movie has moved from the warm to the joy that it gives off.

YOU MATTER.

The world tells us lies, Satin tells us lies, we tell ourselves lies. That's a lot of negative going into us. We have to cut those lines of lies, stop the traffic on that bad freeway. We have to take control and tell our selves that we matter.

This is our life. We get the freedom to choose how to live it. When those storms come are we going to give up? When we hear a lie, are we going to listen and believe them? Life gets crazy but that's life right? If it wasn't crazy, how boring would life be, boring!

God's plan is bigger than any lie, than any storm, than any mistake. 

Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing. - Psalm 34: 10

Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich; restrain yourself! Riches disappear in the blink of an eye; wealth sprouts wings and flies off into the wild blue yonder.- Proverbs 23: 4 -6

Why do we believe that we are not good enough, when God tells us we are everything? 

We don't know what we have until its gone, but I am pretty dang sure I don't have to have it gone for me to know what I have.

Life is precious. How do you choose to live it? 

You are more important than any mistake, any regret, any lie, any worldly plan. 

YOU MATTER... I MATTER...BECAUSE CHRIST JESUS MATTERS! 

Simplicity.

As human being I think we have a tendency to turn simply things into very complex things.

Do you have those people that just make you smile when you look at them, my brother is one of those people. Michael is my little brother, my reminder, and one hell of a best friend.

Michael is a very simple person. He just rolls with the flow and rolls with the punches. Yes he gets upset and angry, but don't we all? He's not perfect, neither am I. He will get angry about something little my mom says to him, or get upset that he lost his Madden football game on Wii. But what makes up for all of these things is the pure joy he has. He loves to be known just as much as I do.

Tonight we walked around a place called "Winter Haven" in Tucson, where you walk around and look at this neighborhood that gets competitive about having the best decorated front yards in their own unique ways. Lila (our niece) loves when Uncle Mike is around. She admires him. Too see the biggest smile on Michael's face when she made sure Uncle Mike was with us made my heart melt. She had to have Michael hold her hand for the last 30 minutes, when she started getting tired, and he was more than willing to follow me around with her holding his big finger.

Michael is my reminder of what life is about. He contently has to tell me that I am making all of this thing called life too complicated. He tells me all the time "Stop being a girl and relax".

I have been Michael safeguard  since he was born. I have protected him in so many things, if I tell him about something in the past he will deny it sometime, because he didn't all that was going on. I raised my little brother and he is mine.

Earlier today he was just hanging out and playing with our dogs, Duke and Sammy, he just looked so free. Do you have those people in your life that when you look into their eyes you can see the strength they have.You see the determination, the hope, the inspiration, the love, the bravery, the strength, that someone has. There are not many people that can see that in him, to be honest I can only think of me and his girl friend Kasey that can see the potential he has.

Michael has this part of him that is just so relaxed. He literally lives by the words of "It's going to be okay". He has a soft heart when he wants to show it, he will have real talks with you, he will be the goofiest person you will ever meet, and best of all he is one of the best listeners I have ever met. He tells me to stop looking back and smile for the future. He reminds me of who I am and what I want to be.

Michael you are SO incredibility important to me. You will always be so close to my heart. I love you brother and I adore how you show the simplicity of life.

My protector.

Just the idea of the how big the Lord our God is unbelievable. He is the universe maker, a star breathing God, and He made me in His image. 

 

My sister her husband and their two year old and 6 month old came from Philadelphia, after 16 hours of traveling and they finally arrived in Flagstaff. The joy of a child will always lighten up someone’s day. To have a child, that mainly sees you over skype, scream Auntie Ashley and run into your arms, is the best feeling of being known. 

The way that he takes care of me because I am his daughter blows my mind. The last couple of days God has been protecting me in many different ways. He knows what I do not need and what is more important than what I want. 

Today there was a time that Lila (the two year old) got scared and kept saying “daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, ect” she would not stop saying it until she was in the hands of her father, even if he was right in front of her, it wasn’t good enough. She also needed her daddy, when she got scared, embarrassed, excited, or just confused. Even when she was in the hands of her mother she would want for her daddy. This was her way of crying out, even if she wasn’t that scared or that confused or even that excited she just had this habit of calling out for her daddy. 

This is incredible, the fact that she feel so comfortable and so at home being in the arms of her father. When we are in the arms of our Father, we feel safe we feel comfortable, protected. 

Lila later was running and pushing her father away. She was exhausted, tired, beat down, hungry and out of her comfort zone. 

I think we do this a lot of the time. We get tired, we get caught up in the world, stuck in the distractions and pushed out of our comfort zone of being in our fathers arms. We push God way because something didn’t go our way, we are feeling pain and we don’t like pain so we run from the comforter of all things. We run from our protector. We want rest but we fight to push away from the one who wants to give us the rest. Why do we run from the one who feel most comfortable with, the one that will give us rest? Because we like to feel pain? Because feeling pain is not numb? If we just calmed down and looked at the situation and say that God is still holding us and if we stop fighting him he will hold us tightly against His chest.

When the Lord my God holds me tights when I’m scared, insecure, confused or excited He whispers in my ear “I love you daughter, we are going to make it, papa knows the way” over and over and over.

God says “when you come to me, come to me with all your junk, come to me with all your problems, come to me with all your screw ups. Let me take care of it.” 

Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. –Psalms 34:17

Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. - Psalms 55:17

For He will rescue the poor who cry out and the afflicted who have no help. – Psalms 72:12

The Lord is our protector. Our refuge. Our strength. 

Today I went to The Grand Canyon with my family. How enormous is the Lord. We all know how big the Grand Canyon is. It is humbling. He paints us sun raises and sunsets. He promises and provides. A singing bird has not one note out of note. The fields of flowers are prettier than any women on her wedding day.

What is more beautiful is that we were created in HIS image. Meaning that we are perfect with His love. we have not no note out of tune, we are taken care of. 

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?”

 – Matthew 6:25-30

He promise and provides. He is out protector. The way He loves the Grand Canyon doesn’t even touch how much He loves each one of us.

He wants to hold you tight. Let Him hold you tight. He created you to be loved.

He takes care of you, forever and ever.

The unexpected LOVE.

 It is funny to me that as humans we expect so much out of ourselves and out of others. Why do we expect so much from people that we are the closest to, when those expectations of these people are the highest and we end up getting hurt or hurting them. We usually don't even realize that we have such expectations until they aren't met and that's when people get hurt.


 So when we expect to much we get disappointed and then we expect to little we usually just end up not caring.

But what do we expect? What do we want? We are constantly looking for earthly things to fill us. Whether that be a 4.0 in school, for the best athlete, or having the prettiest opposite sex in school, or the coolest friends. But when these expectations are broken and not met we turn to drugs, sex, acting out to be popular, changing our looks to fit in? What are we expecting of our selves and of others.Why does all of this matter?

Today my mother called me and ask me how my grades went this semester and she was disappointed that I received all B's on top of a high expectation that I had of a friend, I realized that I am not here to please others I am here to glorify God, but if I don't want to, I don't have to, because His expectation for us is nothing but to accept His gift. Yes He wants the best for us but that is not an expectation.

"Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."' Matthew 22:37-40

All we are expected to do is to love. To love like Christ loves us. "We love Him because He first loved us," 1 John 4:19.

These expectations that we hold on earth mean nothing, but why do they hurt so badly when it makes us feel not good enough. When the God of the UNIVERSE expects nothing of us but wants a relationship with his children. How special are we. How loved are we.

Don't let these earthly expectations break us or change us because we are good enough for our god.

Awaken me.

I have been asleep the last couple of months. My first semester of my sophomore year has come to a conclusion at this point. As people asked me how I think I did this semester, I have been telling them that I didn't do school this semester, I did life. This semester the Lord has shown me simply how much He contentiously promises and provides. How much He loves me and wants to nurture me, as much as I run away. I am His. I am worthy. I am His daughter. I am on this journey and I am trying to not lead but to follow His foot steps, and not get distracted by the world. Awaken me and show me the path oh Lord, I am restless, but I find rest in you. I am WAKING UP from my nap.