Evil>Hurt

What is evil. Evil is selfish. Always has been always will be.

How does hurt cause evil? Is hurt so deep and so big that you have to do evil. You have to cause someone else evil?! Why is it that we are so selfish? Why is it that evil is so much more rewarding, or should I just say easier.

Evil is easier, it is easier to say yes when you are told no, or to just leave than to fix a marriage, or to get angry and yell at your husband, or to get angry and hit you're sister. Doing the evil is always so much easier, and selfish than doing what is right.

Have you ever met a child who has to see one parent one week and the other parent the following week? Have you ever seen what it does to them, on the inside. We sit here and we can not figure out our own shit so we hurt the innocent and when they are15 you'll see them in counseling.

Why is it that hurt isn't big enough that we wouldn't want it, or give it to others. Why is is that evil is bigger than hurt that we will work out on our own child because you are scared.

Why are we just selfish people. Ever from the beginning. Evil seemed better than all the hurt that came with it. We don't think we can hurt others, because we don't think we are important to others, when really you make someone else world spin. Yours eyes are fixed on yourself and why would anyone want you right, well some questions you will never know and so you better just find happiness is the small things again once you commit to something or someone especially your children.

Blame...

When you are told something for so long in your life like, you’re not good enough, you’re fat, you’re dumb, you’re easy, you start to believe it. “It” starts to become your identity. When you take things, even when you shouldn’t, that starts to become you as well, like blame or guilt, or shame. 

Have you ever felt like you have done everything you can to the ones you love most, you’ve given up sleep, you’ve changed your plans, you’ve taken the screaming, you’ve given up what you want, you’ve given them a safe place when they needed it most. 

Have you ever had the blame on you when it shouldn’t have been? When people blame you because you will take it, because it is easier than fighting about it. After being blamed so much and then finally trying to stand up for yourself and take the blame off of you but they don’t let you not take the blame. 

 

When things are going great and then you mess things up because you were trying so hard to do the right thing, but that’s not what they wanted, but they didn’t tell you what they wanted, the blame is put on you. When doing the right thing is already hard in the first place and then when you try, things go wrong. 

Why are people so hard to figure out!?! 

Why is blame and guilt such a horrible but easy feeling to feel? Because to be honest I have had blame and guilt on me my whole life, now how do I shake it off, if for me it is easier to just take it and not fight. 

And why is it always the people that we are closest to? The people closest to us have to be the strongest to us, or they wouldn’t be around anymore. 

You tried and they won’t see it, they also won’t fight to really know what is going on because of the lack of communication or the miscommunication. 

So don’t fight for anything but what you were originally fighting for. I won’t give up.

Friends...

What is a friend?

In one word:

Loyal, trustworthy, awesome, amazing, happy, encouraging, optimistic, friendly, loving, caring, helpful, talented, cool, sweet, kind, honest.

Why is it that some friends may be harder to be friends with and some are just seem so natural.

Different people bring different attributes out in us. Some of us have one best friend; some of us have five different best friends.

Some friends we will have for the rest of our lives, and some just come and go. Some we can live with and some we cannot live with. Some you can go on road trips with and some you can only stand for a couple of hours. There are some friends that you want to literally do everything with, merely because you just fit. You want to share experiences and adventures to cherish for the rest of your life.

Either way there is nothing wrong with either of any of these types of friends. Either way you will have friends that bring out the worst and the best in you. Either way you will grow and you will fall, but in the long run friends are the people that put the color in your life.

I am a person that has always had hundreds of friends, they knew me, and I knew them. I was a floater. I knew everyone in my graduating class in high school and have many many friend groups in college. I’m at a point in my life where that is biting me in the butt real hard. I have hundreds of friends still, about 5 best friends and one best of best friends. But with all of this sometimes I still get lonely. Sometimes I feel like I do not have anyone to hang out with. Sometimes I have no one to just hang out. and I have never lived with any of my friends, all my roommates have been random.

This makes me think that I’m loved from a distance. All of the time I just wonder what part of me do they not like me, that I can’t live with them? It may be the hardest thing to hear when your best friend tells you that she doesn’t want to live with you. How do I not take that personal?! I’ll love you from a distance. You ask yourself why can’t you just live by yourself? Because I am like a dog who gets their energy, excitement, life, from other people.

I am loud, I am crazy, I am hyper, I love to laugh, I am calm, I get sad, I encourage, I’m goofy, I love to watch people, I love inside jokes, I love to learn, I love the little things, I love to ask hard questions, I love to understand, I love to cuddle, I love to listen loud country music when cleaning my house, I love to run errans, I love to get texts that make me smile, I love mail, I love my experiences, I love the ocean, the grass and the sand, I’m organized, I’m patience and I try my hardest to be optimistic.

So why do we feel lonely and feel like we have no one when we really have a lot? When we walk through our door after a long day, or a great day, do we feel at home, or is a burden? Do we have to have our friends everywhere, or does living with random’s not the best thing that already has an established “group” of friends. Or do you have to sacrifice and live by yourself when you love being around other people.

What do we do with this loneliness?

Consequences suck!

Hurting people hurt people.

What is hurt?

The dictionary states:

-to feel or suffer bodily or mental pain or distress: My back still hurts.

-to cause bodily or mental pain or distress: The blow to his pride hurt most.

-to cause injury, damage, or harm.

-to suffer want or need. 

 

in the bible:

-anything that goes against love. 

 

When someone gets hurt, they hurt others. Out of pain, pride, power, embarrassments, etc. There will always be a cycle of hurt and pain. Where do you pull of that pain and hurt and start living?! 

I'll admit it, it is a heck of a lot easier to live in fear and pain then life and freedom. Sin is always easier to choose than forgiveness and love. We are told to forgive and love our enemies, but how are we suppose to do that when we continue to have night mares, are tempted by the wrong things, and our heart literally hurts. 

We get stuck in this pain and hurt, and it gives power to the "hurter".

 

You are not your hurt. 

But WE CAN NOT TOUCH THIS HURT ALONE. We can not state to forgive or to love our enemies alone. It wont work. 

Matthew 11: 28-30:
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

 

Exodus 14:14

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."

 

 

Keep fighting.Fight for someone who needs you next to them, even if it seems like you can't, you'll find the strength.