A tangled mess.

What are friends for? You know like why do we get tangled up in someone else's life and they get tangled in our lives? 

Some people stay and try and untangle the mess, but it's impossible so they leave, while others stay long and love the tangle. Some people look at the tangle and want nothing to do with it and other just jump right in. 

But what happens when you try and go into their tangle? Do they let you get close and learn about it, do they let you in but not too close, do they let you try and untangle it. 

It all comes under trust. What if you try and untangle something and it gets it more messy or breaks a string!? 

Do they trust you enough to let you do things on your terms or is it always in their terms? 

Are they always getting what they want, are they always telling you when and where and why?

 A tangle can not be controlled it just has to be. And yes sometimes it looks better when things are neat but that's boring. 

Have you ever tried to untangle a knot by yourself? Was it hard? Did you let someone else try. Everyone has a different perspective. Everyone has a different way of doing things. So why is it that we won't give someone a try with our knot. 

Trust.

We only trust certain people. These certain people we always let them control out tangle. But some people are "in" the tangle but only on certain terms. Only when you say so, only when you want them. 

Does that seem very fair? 

To me this make no sense. Why can you control my tangle but I can't come every close to your tangle? 

It seems to me like I am not a certain person. So what do you do now? If you can't be in someone's tangle like they are in yours, do you leave? Try and find another tangle? 

What's the point of loving a tangle and not being allowed to love it and admire it. 

You can't tell me what to do, what to love, where to go, when to say something. That's not fair.

 I'm not going to let you control my tangle anymore if I can't control yours just as much. 

Hold my hand...

Do you have loved ones that is slowly being destroyed by something slowly? Cancer, drug addition, depression, Parkinson’s, alcoholism, HIV, bipolar, PTSD, Alzheimer’s, an eating disorder. It starts to slowly changing them. Pushing others away, acting stubborn, playing the victim.

What do you do for or with these people? How do you treat them? Are you strong enough to stand next to them as much as they need you? Is it your job or pleasure to stand next to them?

Are they calling out for help? Are you slapping their hand or holding their hand?

Are they impulsive? Are they numb? Are they angry? Have they turned to a substance/behavior addition? Are they becoming disassociated? Do they feel powerless? Do they feel guilty? Are they shameful?

There are 5 steps of loss and grief, and one can go through these when they start to loss themselves. 1. Denial and isolation 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance.

This is a cycle it takes a long time to get through to the last step. How long will you hold on to their hand? How long will you walk along side them?

Some times life just isn't fair...

Do you ever have those people in your life that just can't take you for who you are. When you are down they want you to be happy, when you are happy they can't handle it and just push you away. I don't understand it. Or when you want to go somewhere, and they don't, then you don't go either.
You feel like you pull them down on days you are down, but when they are down you have to be strong and can't let your life get in the way. They yell at you for almost hurting them, when you get hurt.
You seem to just keep fighting over nothing all the time. The stress from other factors are heavy and you are just tired of everything. Its the same fights, its the same reactions, the friendship is pretty much just there because it is easy and comfortable.

It doesn't seem fair to me.

Who is that people to you, do you really want them in your life, do you need them or want them. If you want them try and new way to show them that this week. What is it going to take for you to know who that person really is to you?

Being vulnerable

Do you ever miss the safety of someone? The person you can say anything and not feel silly or stupid or dumb.  Up can just be completely vulnerable with them? You can cry as much and as long as you want. You can laugh at nothing and not feel stupid. Do you have someone like that. Have you had tht person in your life?

I'm extremely missing this person from my life. My best friend. They just get you. When you walk into a room and they just know and all you have to do is give them "the look". I miss that. Why it is that we usually want it so badly when we can't have it.

What do you do to cope with it. I need some ideas. I'm stuck. I feel so empty and so lonely. What do I do. I can only do so much.

Love is love

Have you ever heard the saying "I'm not a slut I just love love". I'd say I really love being loved but I'm not a slut. I love being known. I love being wanted and I love when people love me. Who doesn't right?

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it hurts to see other people with that. Whatever that is we get jealous and bitter and angry or hurt. This is what is happening to me with love. 

When I see love I get jealous I get bitter and I get really upset. Because I want it. The worst part is when you don't get it but you give it. Love is crazy and love is strong but love is hard and love is fun. 

Expect and never get...

Do you have those certain people in your life that give you a lot. And after a while you get use to what you receive and then after a little bit it goes away and you are let down. Those people that are suppose to love you all the time no matter what because that's just who they are in your life. Those people who you usually don't need to tell them what you need, they just know. Those people that should be able to give you what you need and what you want.

What about those people that love you and love you and love you and then stop. What do you do? You're attached and you can't leave but stay almost here just as much because they have almost just stopped loving you and pretty much just forgotten about you.

What do you do? It hurts both ways. They aren't giving you what you want or need anymore so do you leave and find someone who will or do you keep your promise "through sickness and health"

Life's not all butterfly's and flowers and when it's not I hope you have that one or few people to lean on.

"Those days"

Do you ever have "those days". And you aren't allowed to have "those days" because you have "that job". Those days where it hurts to get up, everything you do takes the energy out of you, and its hard to fill in empty time. That job that you have to be happy all the time. You have to make an impression to everyone and you feel like anything you do you fail at it.

These days suck. No one understand that you can't do anything about it you just kind of have to let it happen. You have to just slap on that fake smile, that lame laugh and go with the flow.

What if you are leading a group of kids? You can't be down, you have to have energy, you have to fill their time with something. You are their day, they rely on.

So what do you do? If you keep faking it, it will get worse. Some days you just can't do it. Today was one of those days, but I couldn't show it and now on my off time all I do is criticize myself and get more and more depressed but still can't do anything about it. Isn't your time off suppose to be rejuvenating and relaxing. So what do I do? No one will understand it, no one gets it.

I just have to keep going.