Love is love

Have you ever heard the saying "I'm not a slut I just love love". I'd say I really love being loved but I'm not a slut. I love being known. I love being wanted and I love when people love me. Who doesn't right?

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it hurts to see other people with that. Whatever that is we get jealous and bitter and angry or hurt. This is what is happening to me with love. 

When I see love I get jealous I get bitter and I get really upset. Because I want it. The worst part is when you don't get it but you give it. Love is crazy and love is strong but love is hard and love is fun. 

Expect and never get...

Do you have those certain people in your life that give you a lot. And after a while you get use to what you receive and then after a little bit it goes away and you are let down. Those people that are suppose to love you all the time no matter what because that's just who they are in your life. Those people who you usually don't need to tell them what you need, they just know. Those people that should be able to give you what you need and what you want.

What about those people that love you and love you and love you and then stop. What do you do? You're attached and you can't leave but stay almost here just as much because they have almost just stopped loving you and pretty much just forgotten about you.

What do you do? It hurts both ways. They aren't giving you what you want or need anymore so do you leave and find someone who will or do you keep your promise "through sickness and health"

Life's not all butterfly's and flowers and when it's not I hope you have that one or few people to lean on.

"Those days"

Do you ever have "those days". And you aren't allowed to have "those days" because you have "that job". Those days where it hurts to get up, everything you do takes the energy out of you, and its hard to fill in empty time. That job that you have to be happy all the time. You have to make an impression to everyone and you feel like anything you do you fail at it.

These days suck. No one understand that you can't do anything about it you just kind of have to let it happen. You have to just slap on that fake smile, that lame laugh and go with the flow.

What if you are leading a group of kids? You can't be down, you have to have energy, you have to fill their time with something. You are their day, they rely on.

So what do you do? If you keep faking it, it will get worse. Some days you just can't do it. Today was one of those days, but I couldn't show it and now on my off time all I do is criticize myself and get more and more depressed but still can't do anything about it. Isn't your time off suppose to be rejuvenating and relaxing. So what do I do? No one will understand it, no one gets it.

I just have to keep going.